A rant about the Common App and altogether too much garrulousness

by Raye

Greetings, citizens of the Blogosphere and denizens of the world wide webbernets. Since returning to North America after my extended tour of the British Isles—which included ruined castles, ancient universities, and altogether too many waterfowl—I’ve been doing nothing productive whatsoever. That is: I’ve been reading articles on vertebrate zoology for my summer class, brewing excessive quantities of tea, and partaking in pseudo-philosophical conversations that bear a striking resemblance to this comic: http://abstrusegoose.com/85. Since we are liminal beings, hovering on the threshold of back-to-school anxiety dreams, it makes sense to postpone all productivity until the last possible moment. Q.E.D., me drafting this blog in lieu of writing my supplemental transfer essays. *Cough.* Almost all Rockers intending to transfer must do so through the Common Application, a website that should have been terminated before its code could compile. Nearly everyone I’ve spoken to is in agreement: we are all contemplating tremendous violence against the Common App, its creators, and the poor imagination-deprived person who wrote the essay prompts. To come up with such boring essays takes an incredible dearth of creativity that I can only attribute to a congenital defect. This person’s brain must be permanently divided into thesis and antithesis, because there is no capacity for synthesis whatsoever. In fact, the biggest complaint I’ve heard about the Common App is one that makes me smile, because it’s so typical of Rockers. They are complaining because the essays aren’t fun. They were looking forward to explaining their passions for their respective subjects, assembling or dismantling arguments, and generally delving into some intellectual depth. However, these essays are designed to be effortless. They are the product of rote formatting in five paragraphs, topic sentences stating our intentions and the grammar and syntax permanently embedded in our brains after two years of middle school English. In some ways, they’re as bad as the SAT essay prompts, which leave little room to accommodate synthesis of thought, the main component of imagination. The combination of existing perceptions is the entire foundation of innovation, which (when passed down via cultural conduits) is a defining characteristic of being human. The fact that Rockers are disappointed in the creativity of Common App essay prompts is, I think, a testament to the way we think. We left high school to ‘cast off the yoke’ of academic regurgitation, and the formulaic nature of the Common App is reminding us why we left in the first place.

Also: As a science major, I’m overly fond of parsimony in formal essays. If something that could be more succinctly summarized in a sentence is drawn out into a paragraph, it’s a waste of space that lends itself to unnecessary verbosity (and the occasional frustration-induced malapropism). If my reasons for transferring can be stated simply—and they can (Wanted: electron microscope, labs that lend themselves better to biochemical research)—any filler just waters down the actual reasoning. Furthermore, I consider exaggeration or unnecessary expounding to be a corruption of data. But that’s just my personal objection. Mainly, the essay dilemma makes me wonder how suited Rockers will be to their transfer schools. There is the phenomenon of students who transfer back and complete their B.A.s at SRC, but many don’t even if they dislike the atmosphere of their new schools. I think this might be particularly true of some science students, who need more up-to-date lab facilities to complete their degrees. If only there was a technical institute like Simon’s Rock…but I digress. Some schools—UChicago and Stanford, for example—have much more imaginative prompts in their supplements, and these are the schools that Rockers are drawn to. Incidentally, they also happen to be rated ‘Most Like Hogwarts.’ Somehow, I think this is the best description of Simon’s Rock students available.

End of rant. And now, I’m off to a science writing class. Time to go collect hagfish samples, do some bird banding, and write a ton of articles. Prynhawn da a yn cael haf hyfryd. (Good afternoon and have a lovely summer. After a week in Wales with bilingual signs and Welsh-language television I can’t help it.)